Context

While students were enjoying the NE Show, teachers were busy behind the scenes to ensure that students' needs were well-taken care of.

Imagine you are writing for the school's newsletter. You are tasked to interview Ms Ng to find out more.

Audience

Students and teachers of Empower Primary School

Purpose

To retell the sequence of events in a literary recount of Ms Ng’s experience at the NE Show.

Pupil number

Event

As a group

Orientation

1. Ali

Event 1 (Before the show): Long wait before the show

2. Bala

Event 2 (During the show): Accompanying students to the toilets

3. Cathy

Event 3 (After the show): Danielle fell and hurt her knees

As a group

Conclusion/ Re-orientation

Student name: Ali

Event 1: (Before the show): Long wait before the show

Purpose of Event 1: Show us that the situation while waiting to enter the stadium was chaotic. Teacher had to ensure that students were safe.

Draft:

Miss Ng was tired when she and her students got off the bus. Although her students were singing the whole time, the ride got the best of her. When she arrived she saw people queuing up outside of the stadium, she was worried for the safety of her students.They could have wandered off on their own. She was also worried for her pupils misbehaving and tarnishing the school’s reputation. She eyed the students closely, observing every action they were doing. She was so occupied that she did not notice the line had already moved forward. When they reached their seats, they got into their seat. Many of her students scrambled to their seats as their legs were very tired. As they were settling down, the show soon began.

Refined:

Miss Ng almost collapsed from exhaustion when she and her students got off the bus. Although her students were singing the whole time, the long and bumpy ride got the best of her. When she arrived, she saw a long and untidy line of people outside of the stadium, she was worried for the safety of her students.They could have wandered off on their own and get lost.She was also worried for her pupils misbehaving and tarnishing the school’s reputation. She eyed the students closely, observing every little action that they were doing. She was so occupied with it that she did not notice the line had already moved forward. After an eternity, when they reached their seats, many of her students scrambled to their seats as their legs were very tired and turning to jelly. As they were settling down, the show soon began.

Student name: Bala

Event 2 (During the show): Accompanying students to the toilets

Purpose of Event 2: Show us that Ms Ng did not enjoy the NE Show because many students needed her to accompany them to the toilet several times.

Draft:

Just when Miss Ng thought that she could enjoy the NE Show, she was abruptly interrupted when a group of students asked Miss Ng if they could go to the toilet. Fearing that the students might be lost, Miss Ng accompanied them to ensure their safety. When they finally reached the entrance of the toilet, she was shocked to see a long queue outside the toilets.

She finally gathered all her students and went back to their seats. She was annoyed when another group of girls asked her to accompany them to the toilets. She had no choice but to follow them to the toilets again.

Refined:

Just when Miss Ng thought that she could be comfortably seated down to enjoy the NE Show, she was abruptly interrupted when a group of students asked Miss Ng if they could go to the toilet. Fearing that the students might be lost in the sea of people, Miss Ng accompanied them to ensure their safety. They had to squeeze through the large crowd of over 20,000 people and she had to make sure that none of her pupils got lost in the sea of people who were all wearing red T-shirts. When they finally reached the entrance of the toilet, she was shocked to see a long queue outside the toilets. As her students made a beeline for the toilets,she waited for them outside the toilet.

After a wait that seemed like an eternity, she finally gathered all her students and went back to their seats. She was annoyed when another group of girls asked her to accompany them to the toilets. She had no choice but to follow them to the toilets again.

Student name: Cathy

Event 3 (After the show): Danielle fell down and hurt her knees

Purpose of Event 3: Show us that Ms Ng was a caring teacher in how she attended to an injured student.

Draft:

Among the group of girls going to the toilet, Danielle was one of them. As they did not want to miss the show, they ran to the toilet. As the toilet was wet, Danielle lost her balance and slipped. She scraped her knee and was in pain. One of the other girls heard her groaning in pain and brought her out of the toilet and informed Miss Ng.

Ms Ng quickly took out a bandage from her bag after knowing that Danielle fell and hurt her knees. Danielle felt pain and started crying. Miss Ng comforted her and said that the wound would heal very quickly. Danielle felt better though she knew Miss Ng was just comforting her. Miss Ng brought her back to her seat. She felt worried and anxious about Danielle as she was afraid that Danielle might injured herself again. Miss Ng called her parents and told them about it. Although they were worried, they allowed her to continue watching the show.

Refined

Among the group of girls going to the toilet, Danielle was one of them. As they did not want to miss the entertaining show, they ran like a bullet to the toilet. As the toilet was wet, Danielle lost her balance and slipped. She scraped her knee and was in pain. Blood gushed out of the wound. One of the other girls heard her groaning pitifully in pain and brought her out of the toilet and informed Miss Ng.

Ms Ng quickly took out a bandage from her bag after knowing that Danielle fell and hurt her knees.Miss Ng felt worried sick. Danielle felt pain and started crying. Miss Ng comforted her and said that the wound would heal very quickly. Danielle felt better though she knew Miss Ng was just comforting her. Miss Ng brought her back to her seat. She felt worried and anxious like a mother who had lost her child as she was afraid that Danielle might injured herself again. Miss Ng immediately called her parents and informed them about the incident. Although her parents were concerned about her, they allowed her to continue watching the show.